All puns intended
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A
beer please, and one for the road."
6.. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," says
"It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says,
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent ournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ;
they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've
seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... A super-calloused fragile
mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that
there was a small medium at large.