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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 103
September 2011
 
 
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More Jokes ...


John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. 'Give me one last request, dear,'
he said.
'Of course, John,' his wife said softly.
'Six months after I die,' he said, 'I want you to marry Bob.'
'But I thought you hated Bob,' she said.
With his last breath John said, 'I do!'
--------------------

A man goes to see the Rabbi. 'Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.'
The Rabbi asked, 'What's wrong?'
The man replied, 'My wife is poisoning me.'
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, 'How can that be?'
The man then pleads, 'I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?'
The Rabbi then offers, 'Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know.'
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?'
The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, 'Take the poison'
--------------------

Dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?" The son says "at school dad." Robot slaps the son! "Ok, I watched a dvd at my friends house!
"What dvd?" "Toy story." Robot slaps the son again! "Ok, it was a porno"
What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad. Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "Ha Ha Ha! He's certaintly your son." Robot slaps the mom.
--------------------

A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm, that includes the villa, the tractor and other equipment, the farmhouse and $22,398,750 in cash."

The granddaughter, about to be rich, says, "Oh my granny, you are so generous. I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With her last breath, her granny whispered "Facebook."
--------------------

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!"

The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box… gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. . . Bob has been missing since Friday!
--------------------


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