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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 108
February 2012
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Valentines Day Humor

A woman walks into a post office and notices a middle-aged, well-dressed man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. As he seals each envelope he sprays it with a puff of perfume.

The woman's curiosity gets the better of her, so she goes up to the man and asks what he is doing. The man replies, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" she asks.

"Because I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.


When was the first Valentine's day celebrated?
(I have no original source on this one so it may be fact or fiction.)

The lover's holiday has its beginnings in the 4th century B.C. in Rome. The Romans held an annual lottery wherein young men would draw a young woman's name from a box. The couple would be assigned to each other the entire year for entertainment and pleasure. This celebration, traditionally held on February 15, also included banquets, dancing and foot races run in the nude.

Around A.D. 496, early church fathers sought an end to the pagan practice, but knew better than to upset the citizens by removing the lottery completely. Instead, they had teenagers pull the names of saints from the box. The teen was supposed to spend the year emulating that saint's life as much as possible, which was probably not as much fun as naked marathons. St. Valentine was chosen as the patron  saint of the new event, and young Roman men resorted to courting females by sending handwritten notes delivered on February 14.


"I just want to say, "I Love You..."

English ........... I Love You
Afrikaans ........ Ek het jou lief
Spanish .......... Te Amo
French ........... Je T'aime
German .......... lch Liebe Dich|
Japanese ........ Ai Shite Imasu|
Italian ............ Ti Amo
Chinese ......... Wo Ai Ni
Swedish ........ Jag Alskar Dig
Eskimo .......... Nagligivaget
Greek ........... S'Agapo
Hawaiian ........ Aloha Wau la Oe
Irish .............. Thaim In Grabh Leat
Hebrew ......... Ani Ohev Otakh
Russian ........ Ya Lyublyu Tyebya
Albanian ....... Une Te Dua
Finnish ......... Mina Rakkastan Sinua
Turkish ......... Seni Seviyorum
Hungarian ..... Se Ret Lay
Persian ......... Du Stet Daram
Maltese ......... Jien Inhobbok
Catalan ......... Testimo Molt
Redneck .................................................. Nice Boobs


Interpreting Dreams

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"


Understanding Gender Differences

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

 "House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
 "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

 A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

 Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

 The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

 The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

 The women won. 

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