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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 114
August 2012
 
 
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Time for some Funnies


Explaining Couple Sex (contributed by both Rick and Lennie lol)

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grandpa, what is couple sex?"

The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then she's old enough to get a straight answer.

Leaving nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.

Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"

The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple sex (secs).

-----------------------------------------------------------

Negative People (contributed by Lens_books)

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember  this
story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned  the trip to
the hairdresser, who responded: 

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you  getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's
really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of  an
ant.  Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but  it
was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome
28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel  in
the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and
explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room  and
wait, the Pope would personally greet me.  Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a  few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who XXXXed up your hair?"

------------------------------------------------------------

New Years Resolution update

If you made New Year's resolutions, how are you doing with them?

I'm starting to really struggle with my New Year's resolution...

I ran around the block six times this morning as I had resolved, but I was in so much pain I could barely pick the block up off the floor to put it back in the toy box!

 


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