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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 129
November 2013
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Fun Stuff from Lennie

New Baby

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher
about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child.

The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment.

Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said,

“Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?”

Tommy burst into tears and confessed,

“I think Mommy ate it!”

The Estate

Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed.  He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons,  and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to  take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments  over in Los Angeles Plaza ."
"Hymie, I want you to take the  offices over in City Center ."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take  all the residential buildings downtown"

The nurse is just blown  away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife,  "Mrs.   Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man  to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property  schmoperty...the schmuck had a  newspaper route."


I was out walking with my Grandson. He picked up something off of the Ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that.
Why?" my Grandson asked.

"Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs, and sometimes germs make little boys sick and not feel good" I replied.
At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart."
I was thinking quickly and said to him,
"All Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information.
"Oh...I get it! He beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the
"Exactly!" I replied with a big smile on my face.

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