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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 133
March 2014
 
 
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Jokes


Submitted by zmmm3221 (Mike Martin)

Turnabout Is Fair Play

When I was younger I hated going to weddings. 

It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "YOU'RE NEXT..." 
 
They stopped doing that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
 
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Fishing Story
 
I went fishing this morning, but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in it's mouth. Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in it's mouth, I grabbed it right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.
 
Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in it's mouth. It's eyes rolled back and it went limp. I released the snake into the lake without incident and carried on fishing, using the frog.
 
Not long after, I felt a nudge on my foot. It was that snake....... with two more frogs.

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Fishing 
 
My neighbor took me on my first fishing trip yesterday, we got all the tackle set up on the riverbank and he said, 
"Can you open me a can of worms?" 
 
I said "Well, I see the milkman go into your house most mornings just after you go to work." 
 
Turns out he was talking about bait or something.


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