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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 137
July 2014
 
 
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More Fun


Calling in Sick

A high school had a policy that the parents must call the school if a student was to be absent for the day.

Kelly (name changed to protect the guilty), deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.

This is the actual conversation of the telephone call...

Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly so-and-so is unable to make it to school today because she is ill.

Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?"

Kelly: "This is my mother."

Needless to say, she didn't pull it off!

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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.

"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."

"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

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Teacher: Why are you late, Joseph?

Joseph: Because of a sign down the road.

Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?

Joseph: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

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The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"

The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow."

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Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

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"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.

"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.

"No." replied the boy.

"I'm the principal's daughter." said the girl.

"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.

"No," she replied.

"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sigh of relief.

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A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.

"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

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Teacher asked George: how can you prove the earth is round?

George replied: I can't. Besides, I never said it was.

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Teacher: Amit, make a sentence starting with the letter 'I'.

Amit: I is...

Teacher: No, no, no, don't say "I is", you say "I am".

Amit: OK, I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 


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