Do you have a burning question about Eliters? Is there a game you need strategy help in? Are you unsure whom to contact if you have a question? Do you want to know more about the red-headed girl/guy at Table 4 but too shy to start up a conversation?
Dear Eliters comes to the rescue! Send in your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. We'll find the appropriate league or staff member to answer and publish a few here each month.
Dear Eliters, Im wondering if you can give me a tip on how to play and win on the raffle? Is there any strategy to picking the winning ticket? -- Confused in Criby
Dear Confused in Criby: The only way to win the raffle is to play.
Dear Eliters: The term ""THWARP"" As I only know what BAMM feels like cause I have been issued BAMMS upside the head with pans in the past, Does "THWARP" imply a smack or a push or a swat or a punch? And what would be the preferred location of this "THWARPING" if there is such a thing?
I have long pondered this word and as you can see by my question, I am very puzzled concerning the answers. Now that I have asked I will be impatiently waiting to be advised of your conclusions. Heck, it may consume the rest of my day thinking about it. -- The BAM Man in Pinoy
Dear BAM Man: I consulted an expert in the field and received this reply: "I believe you have thwarping confused with thwapping! Please refer to the Oxford English Dictionary or... if you do what I did and google either... you will be amazed at what is out there." (And I add a Thwap to you for asking such an obvious question!)
Dear Eliters: When should I Lead the Queen of Spades? -- Missing the Queen in Hearty
Dear Missing the Queen: Spades can be used as a lead card at anytime during the game. In fact, it's a common practice to lead with spades to smoke out the queen. However, leading with the Queen is dangerous unless you know the Ace or King is still available to cover. The Queen is as dangerous as one of Downy's Thwaps.
Dear Eliters: Can we have a "Thwap Lisaleasah" day on Feb 15th? -- Muxy in Spady
Dear "Muxy": This day is always held on February 30th in odd-numbered years ending with 13. I think you'd be better off using your powers for good instead of evil!
Dear Eliters: I am quite puzzled about this. Last night one of our players had to go to the hospital for stitches while playing crib. I once had a player fall off her chair and stab herself accidentally with a pair of scissors also landing up in the hospital. Never mind the TD who fried her computer because she was too busy hosting during a bad lightning storm.
I am sure this falls under OSHA somewhere... could you please provide me with the safety procedures that need to be adhered to while playing/hosting? -- Confused in California Criby!
Dear Confused: It certainly sounds as if you have a dilemma there. I'd suggest moving Joey away from the electrical plug until you have your monthly safety inspection.
I contacted OSHA and they will be immediately sending an inspector to California to interview you. These "inspectors" carry firearms, handcuffs, and white jackets with really long sleeves, so don't be alarmed if they want to take you for a "ride" to show you the "view" from their "office."
Dear Eliters: Why does Dino win all the lowball tourneys??? -- Player Who Hates Lowball in Criby
Dear Player: My first concern is that I'm getting so many Criby questions. This suggests the need for a full-time therapist for the league. Please look into this as soon as possible.
As far as Dino's lowball win record is concerned, have you ever considered that he doesn't realize they are "lowball" tourneys?