Life's new Medications

Contributed by Crispy1007 - original author unknown but too good to miss...

• DAMNITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
• EMPTYNESTROGEN - Suppository that will eliminate melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
• ST. MOMMA'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
• PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
• DUMBEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
• FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
• MENICILLIN - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person.
• BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
• JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
• ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators or on airplanes.
• NAGAMENT - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.