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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 53
July 2007
 
 
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Life's new Medications


Contributed by Crispy1007 - original author unknown but too good to miss...

I am not in the medical field, but, I am authorized to pass this out to you all...

  • DAMNITOL - Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
  • EMPTYNESTROGEN - Suppository that will eliminate melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
  • ST. MOMMA'S WORT - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
  • PEPTOBIMBO - Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
  • DUMBEROL - When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
  • FLIPITOR - Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
  • MENICILLIN - Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person.
  • BUYAGRA - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
  • JACKASSPIRIN - Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.
  • ANTI-TALKSIDENT - A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators or on airplanes.
  • NAGAMENT - When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.


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