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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 58
December 2007
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Dear Santa

This year, I have been a very good boy. I have not lied, and I have always helped my grandmother with her pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me nice, and so I deserve lots of blank checks this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mother, please bring the onset of menopause. For my dad, please bring a new neck tie. For my little sister, please bring Newport Lights 100s. For my dog, please bring breath mints. Oh and for my cleaning lady, please bring some work ethic.

Now about me! Please bring me all of the Ohio State Buckeyes beer coozies, and front row tickets to OSU vs WVU, on-field passes so I can get to meet Coach Tressel! Oh, and please don't forget to bring my Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0. But if you can't, just remember that more than anything Santa, what I really really want is just $100,000,000!

Anyway, I hope you like the chocolate chip cookies I left out for you.


PS: Please say Hi to Mrs. Claus.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember Rick? He has been a really Bad-Boy all year long and doesn't deserve any Christmas presents. So please don't forget to put sticks in his stocking. Thanks!

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