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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 74
April 2009
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More by yeahicrackmeuptoo

Contributed by inherited_acct on the instructions of dad - original authors unknown

A child's view of Thuderstorms

A little girl walked to and from school daily.   Though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she made her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with lightning.

The mother of the little girl felt concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school, and she feared the electrical storm might harm her child. Full of concern, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did, she saw her little girl walking along.

At each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile. Another and another flash of lighting followed quickly and with each, the little girl would look at the streak of light and smile.

When the mother's car drew up beside the child, she lowered the window and called to her "What are you doing?"

The child answered, "I am trying to look pretty because God keeps taking my picture."

May God bless you today and everyday as you face the storms that come your way.

Gentlemen Only:
The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket approached him.
"Hey, man," he said, "where's the toilet?"
"Go down the hall and turn left," replied the headwaiter. "When you see the sign marked
'Gentlemen'; pay no attention to it and go right on in."

Morning Sickness:
Pregnant with my third child, I was stricken with a bout of morning sickness and lay down on the living-room couch to rest.

Just then, one of the workmen who was doing repairs in my house walked by and gave me a curious look.
"Taking a little break," I explained. "I'm in my first trimester."
"Really?" he asked. "What's your major?" 
Postal Incompetence:
I sold an item through eBay, but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down.
"It's not that simple," the clerk scolded. "You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search."
"OK," I said. "I'll take one."
He rummaged under his counter, then went to some other clerks who did the same thing -- only to return and confess, "You'll have to come back later. We can't find the forms." 
Good for Business:
My dry cleaner very generously gives each customer a free copy of our daily newspaper.
As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost."
"Oh, don't worry about us," he said. "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." 
My Funny Valentine:
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." 

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