The Stages of Life
Great truths that little children have learned:
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Never hold a dust-buster and a cat at the same time.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Great truths taht adults have learned:
- Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
- Wrinkles don't hurt.
- Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
- Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Great truths about growing old:
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservative I can get.
When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
The four stages of life:
- You believe in Santa Claus.
- You don't believe in Santa Claus
- You are Santa Claus.
- You look like Santa Claus.
- At age 4 success is . . .not peeing in your pants.
- At age 12 success is . . .having friends.
- At age 17 success is . . .having a driver's license.
- At age 35 success is . . .having money.
- At age 50 success is . . .having money.
- At age 70 success is . . .having a drivers license.
- At age 75 success is . . .having friends.
- At age 80 success is . . .not peeing in your pants.
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