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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 76
June 2009
 
 
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As Father's Day Approaches


Today nearly 100 years have elapsed since the first father's Day was celebrated. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages: In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.  Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.  Today, it's the size of his minivan.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success. Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived. Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers passed clothing on to their sons. Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business. Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.   If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on throat cancer.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."  Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for baseball practice."

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.  Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."

In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.  Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE."
 
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Funny Father's Day Quotations

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. - Mark Twain

One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be. - Anonymous

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. - Red Buttons

To be a successful father, there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. - Ernest Hemingway

That is the thankless position of the father in the family-the provider for all, and the enemy of all. - August Strindberg

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. - Enid Bagnold

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. - Bill Cosby

My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too. - Peter De Vries

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. - Robert Orben

Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents. - Margaret Mead

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. - George Herbert

Sir Walter, being strangely surprised and put out of his countenance at so great a table, gives his son a damned blow over the face. His son, as rude as he was, would not strike his father, but strikes over the face the gentleman that sat next to him and said, "Box about: twill come to my father anon. - John Aubrey

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. - Tim Russert

Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do...but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did. - Anonymous


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