Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam; you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat.
Doctor: How long have you had this feeling?
Patient: Ever since I was a kid.
(*NOTE: This one is Lennies favorite - lol *)
Patient: Doctor, I can't get to sleep at night.
Doctor: Don't worry, just lie on the edge of the bed and soon you'll drop off.
Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free.
Dealer: Yes, sir. The car's rust-free. We didn't charge for it.
Sally: Did you see the guards change when you were in London?
Lulu: No, they always pulled the blinds down.
Brunette: Why are you jumping up and down?
Blonde: I just took some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle first.
A guide was showing Niagara Falls to a man from Texas.
Guide: I'll bet you don't have anything like this in Texas.
Texan: Nope, but in Texas we have a plumber who can fix it.
Policeman: Tell me, why did you park your car here?
Motorist: Well, the sign says FINE FOR PARKING.
Old man (to his wife): What on earth are you doing?
Wife: Knitting up some barbed wire.
Old man: How can you do that?
Wife: Easy! I'm using steel wool.