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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 83
January 2010
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Bits and Pieces

Quote of the Month:

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.  
If you give her love, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.  
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.  
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of chit." 
My favorite Letter to Santa:
Dear Santa,
This year, please give those poor ladies on my Dads computer some clothes.
Thank you,

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits."
- Albert Einstein

Wisdom from Grandpa:

* Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
* Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt, that he forgets his sugar.
* Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
* When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
* On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
* The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
* Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds, and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
* Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
* The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
* When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember about Algebra.
* I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
* Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
* Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
* If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.


"I resent your insinuendoes." 
"No man is an Ireland."
"If we don't make some changes, the status quo will remain the same." 
"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." 
"If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave."
"We do not have censorship. What we have is a limitation on what newspapers can report."
"Outside of the killings in Washington DC, we have one of the lowest crime rates in the nation."-- Marion Berry 
"Let's jump off that bridge when we come to it."
"To be demeanored like that is an exercise in fertility." 
"I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators." 
"If somebody's gonna stab me in the back, I want to be there." 
"When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut." 
"Let's do this in one foul swoop." 
"I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session."
"We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger." 
"The average age of a 7-year-old in this state is 13."
"We have a permanent plan for the time being."
"Family planning has many misconceptions."
"The people in my district do not want this highway bypass, no matter if it goes through or around the city." 
"My knowledge is no match for his ignorance."
"As long as I am in the Senate, there will not be a nuclear suppository in our state."
"These numbers are not my own; they are from someone who knows what he's talking about."
"People planning on getting into serious accidents should have their seat belts on."

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