Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
You will put all your YEPs into a high stakes partners DE. There will be 11 teams. All of whom will have at least one person who fails to show up. You will see the sun rise. You will lose your marbles. And your YEPs. But thank you for your support.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
That green stuff isn't fungus. See a doctor.
Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
Your minister called. Your faith is in question. Now if only you could remember which faith.
Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
The cat is unhappy with your performance. An improvement plan needs to be put in place fast. Or else.
Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
Steve sent you a letter. Again. Quit doing it.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
Due to circumstances beyond your control, you will make absolutely no effort to take charge of your miserable life this month.
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
You are surviving the economy because you have cut back on your food intake. Congratulations you can now apply for that modelling job.
Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your love life needs some sprucing up. You may want to invest in some batteries.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
How many times do we need to tell you - shower every day, pick your clothes up, wash the dishes!
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
You will discover the power of chain letters this month when you accidentally break one and suffer no terrible consequences whatsoever.
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
Your life sucks. Get used to it. Oh, and Farmville served you with an eviction notice.
Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20
The IRS called.