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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 94
December 2010
 
 
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Dictionary for Women


Argument
(ar*gyou*ment):n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead
(er*head): n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a Police Officer.

Bar-be-que
(bar*bi*q): n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up - but he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes
(blond joks):n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe
(kant*e*lope):n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer
(kloze dri*yer):n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet soda
(dy*it so*da):n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity
(e*ter*ni*tee):n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise
(ex*er*siz): v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery list
(grow*ser*ee list): n What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair dresser
(hare dres*er): n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware store
(hard*war stor): n. Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth
(child*brth): n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "focus....breathe...push..."

Lipstick
(lip*stik): n. On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park
(park): v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience
(pa*shens): n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof mascara
(wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah): n. Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day
(val*en*tinez dae): n. A day when you have dreams of a candle light dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Author: Unknown / Contributor: John Masher


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