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Eliters Newsletter
Issue Number 97
March 2011
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More Funnies

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. 

Maude: What in the hell is that? 

Mabel: A condom.. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. 

Maude: Where did you get it? 

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore. 

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and 
announces to the pharmacist that she wants a packet of condoms. 

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. 

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel." 

The pharmacist fainted. 




A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender for some drinks:

brunette: i'll have a b and c"
bartender: "what's a b and c"?
Brunette: "bourbon and coke".

Readhead: and,i'll have a g and t:
bartender: "what's a g and t"?
Redhead: "gin and tonic".

Blonde: i'll have a 15"
bartender: "what's a 15"?
Blonde: "7 and 7".



A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. 
They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" 
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex." 
" Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." 
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." 
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." 
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" 
Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday,TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." 
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. 
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. 
One for January one for February, one for March.... 


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