As my partners bidding nil,
I'm trying not to squeal.
No way I can cover,
Guess we lose by double.
I gave him a look of disgust,
As he led the queen of lust.
What's this guy thinkin?!
My highest cards not blinkin !!
I wanted to throw him the finger,
But a rosy scent started to linger..
I rubbed my nose to get rid of the smell,
and covered my mouth to hold in a yell.
My opponent decides to throw a seven..
...kicking him wont get me into heaven...
But luckily for my P, I have a trump,
Hmm.. I also have a burning sensation in my rump!
It felt like a bee,
So I turned to see..
Cupid's arrow sticking out of me!
I did a double take,
wondering ''Is this thing fake?"
Then my head went all dizzy,
I'm thinkin it could be from the fizzy..
But I only had a few,
Dang, what was in that brew?
Suddenly I heard my partners voice,
and all I wanted to do was rejoice!
I yanked the arrow from my bum,
and flew over the table to hug that chum!
Nil or no nil was fine with me,
It was now all very clear to see...
Obviousely, I would not win this game,
But hey, at least my partner is no longer lame!
I hugged his neck and let out a sigh..
Thanks Cupid, for leading me to a great guy!
Valentine's Horror Stories
I had just started dating this guy. He was the bees knees to me. Handsome, funny, great body and dumb as a post.
He called and said we were going to dinner. I was so excited. Dressed up in my nicest outfit, primped and wrote him this romantic card. 7 pm came and went, 8 pm, 9 pm - no phone call, no response to calls. Finally he shows up around 930 carrying a bunch of flower bought from the guy on the corner. Ok, so I figured it could only get better. Took me to McDonalds... borrowed money from me to pay because he had forgotten his wallet...but hey, I am still hopeful. On the way home, we run out of gas - its now 1130'sh and I have to be at work by 5:30. He pulls cards out of his pocket to call someone...and his wedding ring falls out...
About 12 years ago I invited Miss Perfect for a special Valentines dinner. We had dated on and off but never seriously - she was in high demand and I was just a poor grad student with few resources and just average looks and our dates had been very restrained and a little awkward to be honest
I decided to go all out and invited her to the fanciest restaurant in town. I had just received a nice unexpected tax refund and decided to go for broke Long stemmed, chocolate, I even had the car cleaned. The restaurant was really impressive and the menu even more so. We decided to totally splurge and started off with oysters, Duck for dinner, and an incredible dessert - really rich stuff. Very different from our usual mac and cheese fare. Figured we were on a roll so we ordered some cognac. Neither of us had ever had cognac, but it sure sounded good - served in beautiful glasses and just looked wonderful. Conversation was going great and the cognac was going down. Finally the night came to an end we started driving home. I was gently holding her hand while driving. As we got on the freeway she clutched my hand in a death grip and said stop! There was nowhere to stop - next thing I knew she was puking through her fingers over her mouth. Just spewing all over the place. Took a few seconds and my gut gave out too - I finally managed to pull over and we had both puked everywhere. On the seats, the dashboard, and each other. You have no idea how bad this was. We managed to get to my place and made a dash to the shower - by this time we had started laughing uncontrollably. We washed, we laughed, all inhibitions gone!
I never was able to get the smell out of the car. But every valentines day my wife and I share a singleglass of cognac...even though we both hate the taste of it.